I am addicted and it is all my daughter’s fault…

I am addicted and it is all my daughter’s fault…

Well that may be a bit of an exaggeration. Well over a year ago my daughter bought a tablet. I was so impressed with the possibilities that a few months later I bought one for myself. I have used it a lot. I check my email on it in the evening, see what is happening on CBC, read books when I am travelling, and on occasion add to this blog using the tablet. On average I use it perhaps no more than 15 to 20 minutes a day. I need to charge it perhaps once a week. It is faster and cheaper in terms of electricity to use the tablet than it is to turn on the big computer for these small tasks. I only had downloaded one game (Tetris) and could go for months without playing it. I was happy with my purchase.  But all that changed at Christmas.

My daughter told me about Angry Birds. It is a silly little game. On the surface it is not much more sophisticated than the first computer games such Space Invaders. Of course the graphics are much superior but there is not much of a plot. There is no real strategy required and in fact relatively little eye hand coordination.  It has no redeeming social value what-so-ever. But like all things addictive it doesn’t have to have any positive uses.  Its sole purpose in life it to seduce one into spending hours and hours trying to get to the next level. And then when you get there, you start all over again trying to kill the damn silly, smiling, smirking, laughing at me green pigs.

Its OK. I am not taking it personally. I know that those insolent beady eyed little cartoon pigs are not really making fun of me. I have noticed however that more and more often I say to myself “I must stop – I just try one more time”, and then proceed to waste another 20 minutes before I tell myself that I have better things to do. The game sneaks into my subconscious sometimes as I imagine how I am going to blow up the structure and destroy them all. I even think about buying a better tablet that is more responsive to my touch so that I would have more control and therefore be able to more efficiently blow up those silly little green frogs.

So I think I am addicted. I am addicted to that wee little shot of adrenaline that burst into my bloodstream when I blast them into nothingness.  I am addicted to that impossibly small bit of satisfaction as I see my points and move on to the next level. I can see myself going down into that dark place from where there is no return. Spending all of my hours holding that 8 inch tablet, developing blisters and then calluses, forsaking my job and my friends just for the remote possibility that I may defeat the little buggers.

My only hope is that when there is spring in the air, the memory of what the sun feels like on my face will draw me outside and free me from this sickness.

First Nations

What an extraordinary day!! Or at least it could be. Hundreds and hundreds of leaders from Canada’s First Nations are in Ottawa. They are there to meet the Governor General, the Prime Minister and almost half of the Cabinet. What an opportunity to meet and to start a process that will for once and for all resolve the multitude of issues that face the 600 plus First Nations. My excitement and I am sure the enthusiasm and optimism of many of those leaders is more than somewhat tainted by the fact that Stephen Harper is leaving half way through to go to a meeting in Europe to talk about Europe’s ongoing financial crisis. Pity.

While one might want to suggest that he is leaving behind some ministers and the Governor General, it is well recognized that the former have little or no power to make decisions without their leader’s permission and the latter has little if any real power in the day-to-day operation of the Canadian Government. So a bunch of folks are going to make brief speeches. Some of them will talk about how much they have already done (and to be fair acknowledging the odd mistakes here and there), the wonderful potential in the future and that how we all have to work together.  Someone is sure to say that in the future things will be so much better. All that has to happen is people just need to stop complaining, stop living in the past and get on with it.

The other group will talk about the past, the failed promises, their visions of what could be and why those visions are critical to all Canadians. I don’t see a lot of common ground there. Which is really too bad as there are so many issues that can and should be fixed. Much of my understanding of what the issues are have evolved from conversations with drivers from various First Nations as I travelled across Canada.

I can remember heading towards Sault St. Marie passing by some scrub bush land. My driver said “see that land there along the road? We have been arguing with the Canadian Government for the last twenty years for that land to be given back to us.” I couldn’t see why anyone would want the land. There were no trees and it looked too barren to grow food. As one Canadian author said (I can’t remember who) “Thank heavens someone want to look after the land, we certainly haven’t!”  We really need to settle the land claims today. It is unconscionable that we allow the government to drag its negotiating feet for decades over land that we have already promised is theirs.

On another occasion somewhere around Hope BC I was given a drive by an ex-band council member. He was a progressive, enthusiastic Canadian. He knew there were changes that his community needed to make and he was frustrated that Band Councils were limited in their powers. One of his prime complaints was that there had to be elections for Band Council every two years. In his words “as soon as you got elected you needed to start thinking about the next election”. When we have elections every two years we complain. For good reason. It is hard to get anything done when the membership of the leading group changes so often. To make tough decisions you need some longer term stability. Maybe it is time that we let those communities decide how they elect their leaders. Maybe it is time that we stop telling people what is the best way. After the last 10 or so years in Canadian politics I am not too sure if we have the right to tell anyone what the best way is.

I remember getting a drive somewhere between Whistler and Lillooet. While he was reluctant to use the term, he was clearly an elder not only in age but in wisdom. He acknowledged that some of the problems that his community had were of their own making, but they needed the opportunity and the freedom to be allowed to solve their own problems in their own way. Actually on that one trip I met three elders all of whom guided me and talked about their ways. I listen to them talk about air-drying salmon in a traditional fishing camp in BC or berry picking in Northern Ontario and I listened to them as they talked about the changes they had seen. They had so much to teach me. Their generosity not only in terms of the drive but also in terms of  themselves was refreshing and inspiring. If only our government would listen to them.

I remember spending hours and hours talking to a man while I camped in a place called the Walbran Forest, which is not that far from Duncan. It is an old growth forest and camping there was quite magical. But it was made even more magical by the presence of this man whose life had been destroyed by residential schools but who by his own hard work had made himself get past it, to arrive at the point that he could forgive. He was ready to lead his community to a new understanding, a new relationship with both the outside world and the people who had destroyed his childhood. He too wasn’t asking for anything new. He just wanted the land to be respected and the old treaties to be honoured.

I wrote 90% of the above this morning…. Then I read the reports of who said what. I am saddened that so much of what I said turned out to be true. We are a better people than this. We must fix what our grandparents have done.

The weather

I suppose with the advent of such social media as Facebook, I am not unique in having friends on both ends of the country. While I almost never talk to them I know what their weather is like. Just by sitting in front of my TV I can watch the ebb and flow of various weather systems as they drift the blue screens of the TV weather forecasts.

A long time ago there was a TV weatherman named Percy Saltzman. I think in fact he was CBC’s first weatherman. All he had to explain the weather was a blackboard and a big fat piece of white chalk. I think I understood as much about the weather when he explained it as I do with all of these complicated computer generated weather models. I think the forecasting was just about as accurate as it is now. I suspect that we were not any less satisfied with what was promised (and delivered) then than we are now.

In spite of our sophistication and access to the weather channel 24 hours a day we are really no closer to understanding at an individual level why the weather can’t be what we want it to be. If one is a skier, (or a purveyor of skis, shovels, snow blowers, snowmobiles or toboggans) there is never enough snow. If one has to do a lot of driving or shoveling and is not a skier there is always too much snow. It is rare to meet anyone who is always satisfied with the weather. But it is common to hear people complain about it.

I use to think that it was a Canadian thing to complain and in some weird way brag about the changing nature of our weather. However this past summer when I was in Washington State, I heard a person from Seattle say “if you don’t like the weather around here, just wait 10 minutes and it will change”.  I always thought that was a Canadian phrase. I suppose it is human nature to want to if we can’t control our physical environment, at least to act tough about it.

At the end of each show, Percy would toss up the chalk. We always waited to see if he would catch it. Usually he did but not always. Perhaps it is old age, but I seem to remember smiling at the end of each forecast when Percy did them. I may now know more about why the winds are circulating in a counter-clockwise fashion – but I seldom smile at the end of the weather. Pity…. I think I need the smiles more than the knowledge.  

A Rant

I don't sleep very well. For years, while I generally fall asleep quickly, I am awake by 3:30. I then spend the next two-three hours tossing and turning. Too tired to get up; too awake to fall back asleep.  I have never known why. But I think I have discovered a possible reason. It seems as if when I don't watch the CBC News at 10:00, it is more likely that I will get a better night’s sleep.

What keeps me up? I am so damn irritated at our government that I think I am going to bed in a rage three nights out of five. I suppose the answer is to stop watching the news. A better answer would be for the government to stop being such idiots. This week’s irritations…………..

The government’s shill on the pipe line being planned to ship oil from Fort McMurray to the West Coast announced this week that “foreign radicals” were the ones who were protesting against the building of the pipeline. He was clearly stated that these radicals were trying to disrupt the Canadian economy.

1)      when did we decided that the First Nations of the BC mainland were foreigners and

2)      radical is not a dirty word. How dare my government imply that people who disagree with them are radicals and therefore somehow dangerous.

 I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that in the government’s mind the possible risk to a couple of thousand First Nations individuals and their lifestyle is less important than benefits that will fall to foreign owned oil companies. I am however, always surprised that they are so arrogant,  supremely confident about their opinions and that they have no shame.

Then last night it is announced that they (the federal government) are planning to reduce the number of Employment Insurance (now that is a silly name!) offices from 122 to 20 over the next three years. Which I suppose makes some kind of sense. If you don’t want to help or even be aware of unemployed people, make it harder for them to get help. A side benefit of this is that it will be harder for unemployed workers to communicate with each other and perhaps much more difficult to share stories or to organize. But what is beyond a shocking display of arrogance is that according to the CBC “of the 20 processing centres left, more than half will be in Conservative ridings and only one will be in a Liberal riding.” (http://www.cbc.ca/m/ touch/news/ story /2012/01/13/pol-service-canada-closures.html). 

CBC goes further and states “In Nova Scotia, several processing centres including Sydney and Glace Bay in Cape Breton — both in a Liberal riding where unemployment is high — are closing.
But two sub-processing centres are being kept open — one in Defence Minister Peter MacKay's riding of Central Nova, the other in Conservative Gerald Keddy's riding of South Shore-St. Margaret's.

 In Newfoundland, seven Service Canada offices, including Gander and Corner Brook, will stop processing EI claims despite high unemployment rates in those communities.
Most of the work will be relocated to St. John's, where the economy is booming. But the one riding with a Conservative MP —Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs Peter Penashue — will continue to have a processing centre.” (http://www.cbc.ca/m/touch/news/story/2012/01/13/pol-service-canada-closures.html).

All Canadians should be alarmed. John Ralston Saul in his 1999 book Reflections of a Siamese Twin argued that if Canada did not stop its trend of having right of centre governments that we would be at risk of going back to the style of government that existed before confederation. That is government of a few, for a few. (and the hell with the rest)

Sorry John – not enough people read your book. We are already there.

Simple Ramblings.....................

Laying in bed this morning wondering if I needed to get up at 6:00 AM ( I decided not), for some reason beyond my conscious understanding,  I remembered two sayings that I had posted on my bulletin board all those years ago at UNB. 

 “I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world.”

And

“I shall tell the world that I am here and then I shall live in a house without doors”

 The first one is of course from Walt Whitman. I read it in high school when I was 17 and I don’t think I have ever forgotten it. It may be in fact the only line of poetry that I have ever memorized. It is such a powerful statement, an almost overwhelming declaration of  being comfortable with who and what one is regardless of the rough edges, the paradoxes and the fact that it may, on occasion, bother other people.

The second one I wrote at some point during my adolescent poetry writing phase. Actually the second half was in French but I am no longer able to translate it to that other language. I don’t think I have thought about the line for at least 40 years. Although I don’t think I understood the quote that I wrote when I created it, it strikes me how accurate a prediction of my life the two quotes are.

I have never seen the need to brag about what I do, nor to be completive about almost anything. A body should do what they need to do, what they can do and then let their actions speak for themselves. You do the best you can and then walk away. It is not for us to judge our work, or our contributions (or the lack thereof). If they need to be judged someone else will do it. One should not take credit for doing what feels right. It is what we should do. This philosophy also means that one must be comfortable about being out there, of sharing values and beliefs, of living them and of accepting the consequences.

I find it somewhat comforting as I go through this reflective phase that at least a little bit of what made sense to me 50 or so years ago, still makes sense to me today. But I have  to wonder if that younger me living all those years ago who felt so alone and afraid and completely lost in the world of university would recognize the me of today. I wonder if he would like me. 

I hope so.

Simple ramblings on my weekend

I just spent the weekend alone. Not that that is that unusual but at some point this morning I realized that with the exception of talking to my mother briefly a couple of times during the weekend, I had not talked to anyone from Thursday afternoon until this morning when I went to work. What I think is remarkable about that fact is that I wasn’t really aware of being alone.

So either I am crazy (always a possibility) or I am more comfortable than I thought at only having me for company. I think I feel good about the latter possibility. Not that I would have ever consciously chosen to spend three and half days without talking to a soul, but it is good know (given my lifestyle and personality) that it is fairly easy to be engaged in my life of singleness.

I didn’t spend the time in bed sleeping or moping. In fact I had a very productive time of washing wool, dyeing some cotton warp for my next project and finishing off a shawl that was on the loom left over from before my holiday travels. I suppose one could argue that it was easy to be alone when I was consumed by working with wool. One could be right.

However perhaps the better question is- should I do anything about it?