On the Road Again 2015 Prologue # 4

One of the advantages of having made this trip so often is that I know what I have to do to get ready. It all feels pretty easy. The disadvantage is that it feels too easy. I have too much time to think about what to add to my already long list of stuff I think I might need in the next two months. I have been packed for the last 36 hours but almost hourly I resist the temptation to unpack everything to make sure I have packed something. Where are my pills, my knife or my extra pair of glasses? Because I have almost nothing else to do - these questions are driving me crazy.

My pack is the smallest ever with the water filter and the sleeping pad (I have used neither in any of my trips) finally consigned to the mailing box. I could have, if not for the need for me to work on unplugging my ears, left yesterday. While the pack still feels heavy, I think I have restrained myself to the bare necessities. Of course, the more I look at my pack and the box that I will mail this afternoon, the more convinced I am that I have either forgotten something or that I really need to take something with me as opposed to mailing it. It would be so much easier just to get up and go without being such a worrier about the details. Having too much time to prepare is not always a good thing.

I think part of this relentless second guessing of myself is due to the fact that I can barely restrain my anticipation of the trip. I just want to get up and go. I am looking forward to getting on that train (no matter how late it is), of finally getting the trip started. For the past few days, not only when I am in that semi-state between sleeping and waking do I dream of the road and the people that I will meet, but I get these flashes of sights, sounds or even tastes (there is this small little restaurant/gas station in Canmore that sells really tasty crispy veggie burgers) when I am doing dishes, cleaning the fridge or even reading. If I had not been through this before, I would wonder if I was losing my mind.

I, with the exception of that "high" I get when I am offered a ride, am not too sure why I get so excited about travelling along the road. While I can't really remember what it felt like - I think it is almost like the anticipation of Christmas for a child. That sense of anything is possible - that it will be the best thing that ever happened  - that I will get all of the rides that I need and that they will all be interesting drivers. But as well, like all children of a certain age, there is also that sense that maybe it won't be perfect, that there may be a difference between what I think I want/need and what I actually get. Once I am on the road, that doubt disappears entirely if for no other reason that I can do nothing about it. It is again the anticipation, the constant thinking about it that, on occasion, makes me question my mental stability.

It is hard for me to believe, but this time next week I will certainly (I hope) be somewhere in BC. With any luck I will be getting near the coast. All of my concerns and fantasies will have become irrelevant. What will have happen will have happened.

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,

Healthy, free, the world before me,

The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.

Walt Whitman  Song of the Open Road

Deafness

I going deaf. Not really - it just feels that way. For the last four days I have had both of my ears blocked with, I assume, excess wax. I was warned two years ago by my doctor that my ears needed cleaning and I of course, ignored her. I probably should have paid more attention. It is not the first time that, a few days before my trip, I have suffered from blocked ears. One would think/hope that I would learn.

It is a strange feeling to only be partially aware of my environment.  It feels as if I am removed from whatever I am doing. I know I am walking on the hardwood floors, but I cannot hear my footsteps. I know that I am typing, but the keys are making no sound. I can't tell if something is boiling on the stove unless I am right there or if the fridge is on. The microwave makes no noise and I could barely hear the garbage truck outside my window. Even driving the car is a different experience because I feel as if I am less aware of what is going on around me. I have spent the last few days feeling as if I have a thick batten of cotton wool around my head blocking all but the loudest noises. It is an uncomfortable feeling. For the first time I have some sense of what it might be like to lose one's hearing.

It was a bit challenging selling at the Market on Saturday. It wasn't that I could not hear people talking to me but rather that it took a lot more effort and energy to pay attention to what they were saying. I missed hearing the bits and pieces of chatter from people as  they passed by. The Market appeared (although it was reasonably busy) a bit dull and lifeless - lacking its usual vibrancy. I suspect that I was not as "chatty" as I normally am in part because I was afraid of missing parts of conversations. Yesterday, as I was doing some last minute shopping, I noticed that I was less willing to engage in conversation with the clerks etc.

The doctor's office said that they would flush out my ears on Friday after I had spent three or four nights with oil in my ears to soften the old wax. Which was a great offer except of course, I will be on my way by then. I had tried the warm oil trick, but I didn't realize that one needed to do it for successive nights. I am optimistic that if I walk around with oil and cotton balls in my ears both throughout the day and all night that the problem will resolve itself. Of course, that means that I am even more deaf with not only too much wax in my ears but oil and cotton balls as well. It is a good thing that I did not have a lot of things planned for today!

p.s. the silver lining to all of this is that I finally know what it is like to drive a super quiet car!!! No road noise at all - I could get use to that.

The Pope and Mr. Harper

For the most part I am quite content to not be aware of other people's private conversations. But every once in a while there is a conversion about which I am really curious, or rather one in which I would love to know what was going on in the people's heads and what they could not say out loud.  On June 10th Mr. Harper met with the Pope. I can't imagine two men with less in common or two men who have absolutely no reason why they should talk to each other. What were they thinking?

Harper was on a six day tour of Europe attending meetings and chatting up various heads of government. His primary agenda during his trip appears to have been to verbally attack Vladimir Putin. Such comments are part of Harper's ongoing attempts to prove that lots of bluster and very little real aid are almost as good as having something useful to say or contribute. It was Mr. Harper's usual shtick of playing to small groups of people in Canada who still have roots or connections to their ancestral home. He apparently continued with that theme when he meet with the Pope. He could have talked about the report from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, he could have invited the Pope to make a formal apology for the Catholic church's participation in residential schools, or he could have talked about something that the Pope was interested in such as the environment. He didn't.

The Pope has just released a rather surprising document which is different from anything a Pope has ever written. In the encyclical "Laudato Si (Praise Be), On the Care of Our Common Home", Pope Francis has come on side with both environmentalists and social justice advocates. He suggested in very clear terms that the developed countries need to do more than they are doing to stop climate change. Furthermore, perhaps for the first time, a world leader has clearly discussed the harmful effects of the over-consumption of resources upon the world's oppressed peoples. The parts of this remarkable document that I have read are quite extraordinary specifically in his demands for action now.

In my imagination of being that fly on the wall I see two men - one who wants to talk about how terrible this one world leader (Vladimir Putin) is and how everyone must do everything we can to stop him. The gentleman (I use the word loosely) from Canada is of course ignoring both the fact that neither person in the room has the capacity or the resources to do anything to stop Putin, and that there are 20 leaders of other countries who are just as bad if not worse. The other person in the conversation is someone who seems to expect people to demonstrate some moral courage and leadership. The guy in the white is suggesting that we all (especially those of us in the developed countries) have the responsibility for taking care of the planet.

I have to imagine that both men, coming from such different backgrounds, having such a different vision of what faith means, having profoundly different values and agendas and being accountable to their "public" in such different ways must have had to put on their "smiley" faces and just pretended that they cared what the other one was saying.  Which is a shame. The Catholic church has much to apologize for. If it is serious about providing environmental leadership, it has a lot of work to do before much of the world will take the Pope seriously. But it is trying and for that we should be glad. On the other hand "our" Prime Minister has perhaps marginally less to apologize for but shows no sign that he is prepared to do anything to positively affect the environment. In the upcoming months, Mr. Harper will continue to campaign by waving his imaginary large stick and demanding justice for the Ukraine. He will continue to do all that he can to present himself as someone who is concerned about human rights and will do anything to protect (some) people's rights. But he will do nothing to ensure that his grandchildren have an earth that is still viable.