Getting Old

I think if someone had asked me when I was 20 - I would have made the assumption that by the time I reached 60+ - life would be, if not easier, at least be more organized. That somehow the chaos of adolescence would be long gone and that life would be, relatively smoothly, rolling along. In fact I think I would have said that it would be so predicable that it would be boring.

That is not happening. I am not asking for a boring life, or even one that was always predicable - else why would I hitchhike? But good heavens!! Could I please a little bit of control over something? There are days when I feel as if I know far less than I did when I was 20, and that my knowledge will continue to diminish. There are times when life seems so complicated that breathing is difficult.

I think that that 20 year old would have made the assumption that I would, by this age, at least know which direction I was moving in. I think I have accepted that my life does not move in straight consistent lines. I would however, be happy if I was even going in circles - but this zig-zaging is rather confusing and tiring.  I am starting to realize that life is a full time job  - or rather if one wants life to be interesting you have to participate in living - not just float along. Life might be a river flowing to the sea - but I guess we have the choice to either float down it on the river tube or we can at least attempt to paddle our own canoe - no matter how frustrating that might be.