Tough Few Weeks

The last few days of October and the first twelve or so days of November have been tough. Perhaps I am not as resilient as I thought I was - or maybe I am just getting older but some days it feels harder than it used to be to find a reason to smile.

A few weeks a good friend of mine died. I spent some time with Sally the day or two before she passed and another few hours sitting with her after she had passed. We were good friends. For the last perhaps fifteen years I had spent a few weeks every summer with her, arguing about politics, working in her garden and doing odd jobs around her house that she was not able to do. Twice we drove down to a National Rainbow Gathering in the States - my master's thesis was greatly enriched by the contacts she shared with me. We also hung out at a few regional gatherings. I also visited her a couple of times at Christmas when I came out here to visit my son. Since moving out here almost a year ago, I tried to visit her for a few days at least once a month. She always had a chair that needed fixing or a lamp that needed wiring. I think she looked for things for me to do so that I could feel busy when I was there. Perhaps the best times were when we went on a road trip - she in her power wheel chair and me trying to keep up with her as she showed me the parts of her much loved Salt Spring Island. I find myself still arguing with her - I will miss her.

Then there was the USA election. Just a week ago - I sat in front of my computer monitor and watched Peter Mansbridge from the CBC along with assorted commentators and correspondents try to explain how everyone could have been so wrong about Trump's chances. It is not clear as to why I, along with so many other Canadians, felt Trump's victory so viscerally in the pit of our stomachs. While there is no doubt that some of his policies will affect how the Canadian government deals with such things as climate change, and, as it has become apparent, Trump's victory appears to have given permission to some Canadians to be as racists and obnoxious as he is - it felt as if my reaction was unwarranted or at least over-stated. Perhaps we just don't like to acknowledge that it is possible that someone who is at best not very bright, lacks the capacity to think critically and has opinions that come from a different era could get to be a leader of our neighbour. For whatever the reason - I felt more than a little bit numb on Wednesday.   

Hearing about Leonard Cohen's passing just felt like one more kick when I was already down. I have been a fan of Cohen for almost 50 years. I first heard about him in a North American Literature course in high school. Our teacher who knew Cohen (the gossip was that he came back to school late one September because he had spent the summer in Greece with Cohen) was upset because the one poem of Cohen's that was in the assigned text had a misprint. We didn't believe him so the next week he brought in the original manuscript and showed us where the comma was suppose to be. Cohen's book of Poetry - Flowers for Hitler was the first book I ever bought for myself and if Suzanne was not the first song I learnt to play it was certainly in the top two or three. Thanks to my daughter I got to see him perform twice. Both shows were magical. But my favourite memory of Cohen is watching my friend Liz's smile as she listen to one of his CDs and as we "danced" in her room - oblivious to the staff or the other residents that were walking by.

And finally Leon Russell died. I wasn't a big fan and in fact I probably had not heard any of his music for years. But in 1970-71 I was working at a group home in Toronto. The eight teenage boys who lived there, along with the live-in couple and two live-in staff, were a handful. Most of them had a chronic glue/solvent sniffing addiction, had had run-ins with the law and in general did not want to be there. One evening we all went to the movies and saw Mad Dogs and Englishmen with Joe Crocker and Leon Russell. I don't remember much about the movie but I do remember the music. Even more importantly I remember how great we all felt leaving the movie theatre. For the first time it felt as if we were, if not a family, at least some sort of cooperative unit that could work together. I think it was that night that I decided that I had found a career that I could believe in.

Tough few weeks - but I went out today and bought some crocus and tulip bulbs to plant so that in the spring I will have flowers - partly because Sally loved flowers but also because I believe that the light does shine through the cracks. We just need to both remember that, and to make sure that when the light does shine through - there is something ready to grow.