One of the advantages of having made this trip so often is that I know what I have to do to get ready. It all feels pretty easy. The disadvantage is that it feels too easy. I have too much time to think about what to add to my already long list of stuff I think I might need in the next two months. I have been packed for the last 36 hours but almost hourly I resist the temptation to unpack everything to make sure I have packed something. Where are my pills, my knife or my extra pair of glasses? Because I have almost nothing else to do - these questions are driving me crazy.
My pack is the smallest ever with the water filter and the sleeping pad (I have used neither in any of my trips) finally consigned to the mailing box. I could have, if not for the need for me to work on unplugging my ears, left yesterday. While the pack still feels heavy, I think I have restrained myself to the bare necessities. Of course, the more I look at my pack and the box that I will mail this afternoon, the more convinced I am that I have either forgotten something or that I really need to take something with me as opposed to mailing it. It would be so much easier just to get up and go without being such a worrier about the details. Having too much time to prepare is not always a good thing.
I think part of this relentless second guessing of myself is due to the fact that I can barely restrain my anticipation of the trip. I just want to get up and go. I am looking forward to getting on that train (no matter how late it is), of finally getting the trip started. For the past few days, not only when I am in that semi-state between sleeping and waking do I dream of the road and the people that I will meet, but I get these flashes of sights, sounds or even tastes (there is this small little restaurant/gas station in Canmore that sells really tasty crispy veggie burgers) when I am doing dishes, cleaning the fridge or even reading. If I had not been through this before, I would wonder if I was losing my mind.
I, with the exception of that "high" I get when I am offered a ride, am not too sure why I get so excited about travelling along the road. While I can't really remember what it felt like - I think it is almost like the anticipation of Christmas for a child. That sense of anything is possible - that it will be the best thing that ever happened - that I will get all of the rides that I need and that they will all be interesting drivers. But as well, like all children of a certain age, there is also that sense that maybe it won't be perfect, that there may be a difference between what I think I want/need and what I actually get. Once I am on the road, that doubt disappears entirely if for no other reason that I can do nothing about it. It is again the anticipation, the constant thinking about it that, on occasion, makes me question my mental stability.
It is hard for me to believe, but this time next week I will certainly (I hope) be somewhere in BC. With any luck I will be getting near the coast. All of my concerns and fantasies will have become irrelevant. What will have happen will have happened.
Afoot
and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy,
free, the world before me,
The long
brown path before me leading wherever I choose.
Walt
Whitman Song of the Open Road
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