It's My Birthday

While almost all of my blogs are about how I feel - most of the blogs are about my feeling in terms of politics or the silliness or the selfishness of people. I seldom write about how I am feeling about my life and almost never about my family. But today I turned 70. In the previous few weeks, I have thought about that milestone and the world's reaction to it. I have, I think, uncovered a relatively new phenomenon that at the very least has surprised me.

First of all - I am rather pleased with myself that I have made it to 70. I quite frankly did not think I would last this long. If I thought about it at all, when I was in my mid-fifties I assumed that I would be dead by 65. As it is I have lived the better part of a decade longer than my father. So I feel pretty good about it all and when I get the chance I want to brag just a little bit. It turns out, however, that turning 70, at least amongst my peers is no big deal - it is certainly something not worth talking about.

I live in a mobile home park for those over the age of 55. Most of the people that I volunteer with are also seniors. A good proportion of the people that I work with, as well as my neighbours, are in their mid-to-late seventies or even older. To them, I am but a spring chicken who knows little about life. There is a subtle competition that goes on amongst some of the seniors that I know. They seem to want to brag about how well they are doing -which is fine - but there is an implied put-down of anyone younger than them who are not doing as well. There is little support for those who are physically not as healthy, who have conditions that mean that they can do less than their older peers. It is as if I should be as healthy as them. If I am not as active as them because of my health- then that is my fault. Furthermore, they certainly do not want to hear me complain about my body occasionally falling apart. Any time I mention my age, the response is either - "wait until you get to be my age" or "you are still young yet".

I am not sure if it is some sort of ageism, or perhaps some sort of protective mechanism that allows them not to worry about their own health. I am not sure if this "I-am-better-than-you-because-I-am-older" type of thinking is because we live in this part of Canada where we are supposed to be all healthy and to discuss any failures is a betrayal of the land or if it just the naturally competitive nature of humans. Most of us have few arenas left to compete in other than how long we have managed to survive.

I am not convinced that this focus on how long we have lived is a healthy one. It separates out those who are not doing as well, isolates them, perhaps makes them feel less than others. As we age - we need the support of our peers, being told that some of us may be less equal than others because our bodies are falling apart is not much of a support.

It is never useful when we are told that we only have value when we are like everyone else, and when some people set the standard of perfection.