13 days and counting

It is just December 12th and I am already hating Christmas. The stores are draped with cheap tinsel and their PA systems ooze the syrupy pap of bad Christmas music. I am not sure if I can last another 13 days without screaming. There are times when I sympathize with my fellow non-Christian Canadians and their very occasional wishes that the Christmas celebrations were less invasive into their lives. While I can perhaps tolerate the Wal-marts, Targets and even Canadian Tire Stores (only because I never go to any of them) needing to dress up their stores to entice shoppers to buy items that are not needed, I am not as sure as to why Shopper's Drugs (a place I seem to be at far too often getting prescriptions) or the grocery store need to inflict upon me their pseudo pagan rituals. Can you tell that I am not happy with the season?

Last week CBC ran, on its news service a brief article as to "5 reasons to cut your own Christmas tree". One of the reasons had to do with spending more time with one’s family. It seems bizarre to live in a world where we use yearly celebrations to find reasons to spend time with family - as if the fact that they are family is insufficient reason within itself. We shouldn't need excuses to be with our kids or grandkids - we should do it because of that special connection we share. In fact I suspect that the additional pressure to visit family and friends, to try to re-establish those connections that have weaken over the preceding months is exhausting and perhaps even non-productive. While we all have friends for whom seeing once in a long while, with the occasional contact through social media, is sufficient, it is not for family. We need to create a world that in spite of the complexities of our personal and collective lives - we make time for those who are important. No that is wrong - we should not just make time for those people - they need to be our priority. All of the research that I have read and done with seniors suggests very clearly that the more social connections that we maintain with people who are important - the longer, healthier and happier our lives will be.

Perhaps we need to figure out how everyone (including those who work in stores), not just teachers get more time off at Christmas so that it is less hectic for all.

It may be because I am going through another career change that hopefully will allow me to spend more time with my kids and grandkids - but I think I have always been aware of the need to stay connected with those people. Forget about the presents, and the tinsel, the sappy music and the repeated again and again "classic" Christmas movies - just promise to visit them more often.

Remember December 6th - part 2

In the past month or so, there seems to have been more media exposure to the issue of sexual assault than usual. In fact there has been the suggestion that because of the amount of attention being paid to this topic – the “problem” is well on the way to being solved or at the very least, a corner has been turned.

What balderdash!!!!

What has been discussed in the past few weeks is the behaviour (alleged) of a handful of celebrities (Cosby, Ottawa based MPPs and Ghomeshi). While their celebrity status should never protect them from these allegations (although it all too frequently has), that same status should not be perceived as making the crime more terrible, heinous or disgusting. To do so belittles the pain that women suffer when assaulted by non – celebrities. We are not having more conversations about sexual assault - we are engaging in our seemingly favourite pastime - bashing celebrities who fall off of the pedestals we place them on. And there is a profound difference between the two conversations.

The fact is that nothing has changed. Women are still being assaulted . Society as a whole is doing precious little to stop it. Pointing our fingers at a handful of well-known individuals will do little to change peoples'  behaviour.

It has always seemed to me to be somewhat strange that while the state can spend millions and millions of dollars on anti-drinking and driving campaigns, and spend even more on the "war on   drugs", we cannot come even close to working out a national strategy to eradicate violence on women. In some parts of Canada, if a person is found to have more alcohol in their system than allowed, they can lose their car for a period of time, lose their license for a year, pay a large fine and have to take a weekend workshop to help "adjust" their attitude. If a male bashes around their partner - the most immediate consequence for the couple is that the wife (if she is lucky) has to leave the home to go live in a shelter. I am not saying that drinking and driving is not a serious concern - I am just wondering why other social problems are not seen as equally important by the law makers of this country. Perhaps even more critically - why the citizens of this country do not see it to be important.

Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) and other similar groups managed, in a relatively few years, to  convince all levels of governments and the general public that something needed to be done. Why hasn't the same strategy been successful in dealing with the myriad of issues surrounding violence against women? Equally as important is the question as to what are we going to do about it.

While it is important that the government be held accountable for its inaction, it is far more critical that we as citizens work to prevent the violence from occurring.  And that means (men) working on ourselves.  It means talking to our males friends;  publically challenging their language or their actions that demean women; talking to our sons and grandsons about equality and living our lives as role models of what life could and should be like.

The terribleness of the events of December 6th is not just that 14 women died - it is that so little has changed since.

Remembering December 6th

Most years, December 6^th sort of creeps up on me. There have even been some years when it has not been until the morning of the 6^th that I have thought about the tragedy that occurred in Montreal in 1989. However, one of the advantages of spending time within an academic institution is that usually there is some sort of reminder, some sort of event hosted by a class or a department that brings those horrific events to the forefront.

However so often it feels as if the institution (Trent, University of Victoria or Fleming College) while they  may “allow” students to do something - perhaps a some small ceremony or raising money for a women’s shelter by selling white ribbons, provide little or no leadership to support, encourage or even initiate some sort of moment of remembrance. For example I can remember a ceremony in Victoria – conducted by students from the engineering department that was done with care, emotion and solemnity. I attended as did one of my class mates but there was no one else there from the Sociology Department. No professors, no students. In fact there were very few people there at all. One has to wonder why. This year Fleming is having a two hour display, in the lobby on December 5^th. It seems barely adequate.

It may be that 25 years is far too long for our collective minds to retain meaningful memories. That may be even truer when one considers the number of deaths that have occurred in North America within the last 20 years from apparently random or at least unexplainable horrors perpetrated by lone gunmen. Perhaps it is just too much for us to keep track of all of the violence that has occurred and so we just chose to forget it.  Perhaps at some point it is all just beyond our capacity to care.

That could be true except we, as a nation (or at least our leaders) still preform acts of remembrance of a battle fought a hundred years ago in France. So clearly we have that capacity to remember events from the distant pass if we chose to. Equally as clearly we, as a collective have chosen not to remember the events at École Polytechnique massacre, in which an armed student murdered fourteen women and injured ten others. What is particularly sad is that unlike the amount of money spent of remembering the wars of past generations, our governments and institutions have no desire to keep this memory alive.

Rituals, symbols and ceremonies are important. They allow a country to keep critical values alive. That is in part why people wear poppies in November. If we believe as a country that the murder of women because they are women is wrong – and we surely must believe that – then maintaining ceremonies to re-enforce that value is critical. We do a disservice not only to those 14 women, but to all women if we chose to forget the meaning of December 6^th.